Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit in Gujarat


Our culture is full of tales of the dead walking the earth.from our religions to vikram and vetaal However the undead walking is the new addition.

Initial contacts with zombies are traumatic and dangerous causing shock and hampering survivors ability to deal with hostile encounters. Not to worry here is your survival kit for the zombie apocalypse.

1.Food magnet: 

Not being setrotypical but zombies attacking gujjus in Gujarat will be tough time given the jalebi fafda provisions we have! Zombies will be merrier than ever to over indulge in our cuisine.

1 gujju zombie in gujarat

2. vitamin ‘A’ aka alcohol:

Alcohol deprivation can be the possible cause why those stressed humans are now zombies. Sneak in a bottle or two under attack to them and enjoy the “ja simran jee ley apni zindagi” moment.

3. Jain, More than 30% of the zombie tribe won’t attack humans!

Because it is Gujarat and they are Jains. So we may peacefully let them eat the grass off the road . poor cows *phew*

4. No attack hours:

If an apocalypse has to happen in gujrat. It will be non functional during 1pm-4pm. Firstly because even they need “bapor ni ungh” secondly it is so hot that even zombies ask for shelter.

gujju zombie sleeping afternoon

5. Weekdays off Ya ya weekly off is the term!

But these little zombies are also answerable to god and thus won’t attack on Tuesdays and Thursdays! ‘Aava paap no karay

zombie fasting

6. Tupperware chor.

Nobody under the sun is as ferocious as a mother who has lost Tupperware. So if u are under attack tell your mom the attacker stole her precious tuuperware. Sit back! Relax! Enjoy the show.

7. Pickle to the rescue.

Rifiles and machine guns may ditch you while u are defending. Remember that we are are beyond mainstream and so are our zombies. those mighty spicy pickle jars! Yes those are the super weapon. Thanks dadi/ naani!

8. Say those magic words.

It is no rocket science to figure a way out of the zombie apocalypse ‘alive’ in Gujarat. All u got to do is say “aeh haalo” followed by a mix garba tape. P:S. Do not indulge yourself into this affair! “Bhagvaanu che”.

lets dandiya

9.  NRI exemption:

Exemptions under attack is beyond imagination! But it is Gujarat even the zombies know the struggle for visas #respect.

10. Jhombie expos:

the apocalypse is a huge market opportunity. We will surely make a dhandha out of it! Bribe a few of them and you are good to go!

zombie gujarat bhai  bhai

11. Areas to avoid:

While the world has weapons to detect zombie free zones for us it is our common sense. Avoid paan shops, share market areas. For obvious reasons!

gujju zombieland

12.  ‘Vaghaar’ the zombie repellent:

It is a task to survive the “vaghaar” which leaves it traces for hours after its done. Even zombies will dread it. So keep the vaghaar kit ready for survival

survival kit

13. Neurotoxins v/s theplas:

Neuro toxins slows the bodily functions until the human can only eat and sleep. A possible reason for the attack… Not to worry our theplas will get them out of their trance in a fraction of second.

14. Be a communist: 

Even if it is against your inner most core of exsistence. Say ‘jay sardar jay patidaar’. If not otherwise this attack day it will definitely be of help.

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